The Story

Today I weigh in early due to being a girl! Basically when its that special time my body will not show the weight loss.. It hoards my water weight so I weigh in before this happens! 2lbs lost this week! I only have 38lbs to go ! Started out at 83lbs to lose and 15weeks later I am at 38lbs.
  So Why is this girl so fat? Why does she get thin and get fat? ( Go ask Oprah) hee hee Just kidding. Well as a child I had an awful life. My dad did drugs and my mom was just too young to have me and my brother. The things I had to see, the fact that my mother used treats as rewards just really gave me the wrong impression of food. If she was depressed we went to get donuts or cupcakes. I was also on prednisone because my parents were not very cleanly, and I had really bad asthma and so I was on the machine and taking medicine quite a bit. My poor knees could not even take the weight when I hit 8th grade and I was at 200lbs I ended up in knee braces for a while. Anywho you know you get older and get the big picture and I learned how to take care of myself, and get that weight off. Then married into the military and MANY times just ate my problems away! Although right now I am doing great I could relapse after losing it.. I hate that. Food really is an addiction. Especially for people who have just a wide range of issues. Right now I am super strong and I feel like I need to get healthy and I hope that I can keep that up. I need to be healthy for my kids, I need to be a great example for them, no treats like cupcakes we have treats like homemade fruit roll ups, or I hand make things and can omit a lot of sugar and crap. Treats are not given for good behavior, treats are just a treat when we want a little treat! Basically I have to trick my brain and get it out of that old way of thinking. Now it has gotten a bit sick, I almost hate myself for eating anything. When I eat something I think about how many calories is this, should I be eating right now, I usually just eat half or less than half of everything. I realize this could be a problem too, but I am eating, I do hit my calorie goals and lets face it I have a ton of weight to lose. I am tired of being fat. I am still fat when I look in the mirror. I loathe the fat stomach that I see, and nothing looks good on me. There will always be a life long battle of this thinking. When I Was fat I never looked in the mirror and I NEVER took pictures of myself. Now I can look at my face and I see changes its just not how I want to look.